TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, TOO

By Dr. Marion Somers, Ph. D., Ask Dr. Marion

QUESTION: I'm feeling absolutely overwhelmed by my caregiving responsibilities. My nerves are shot. How can I better manage this difficult situation? Francesca in New York, 60

ANSWER: I know that caring for an elder loved one can be an overwhelming job. You can't do it all by yourself. Get support from and delegate to others. Don't let yourself become caught in a no-win situation. All too often, I see caregivers play the martyr when all they need to do is ask for help. As long as you determine exactly what help is needed, most people are eager to come to your aide.

Providing care for an elder loved one is a huge responsibility in terms of mental energy, time, and financial resources. The only way to do it is to be as organized as you possibly can. Make a plan and stick to it. Keep track of everything such as doctor's appointments, financial outlays, and short term and long term goals. Set priorities and see them through.

Be sure to take care of yourself first, and then determine the time and resources you can devote to the care of your elder. What you cannot handle should be taken on by your relatives and other important people in your elder's life. It could be in the form of a financial contribution, lending a specific talent (like being a handyman or balancing a checkbook), helping with the laundry, or just stopping by every other Saturday afternoon. Almost any request will be met as long as you have a specific time frame and task in mind.

I can't stress it enough: you must take care of yourself. Many times I've seen caregivers become sick and even pass away before the loved one they are caring for, all because they forgot to take care of themselves in the process. You have to meet your needs. Don't take on too much. Ask other family members for support. You are not alone in this trying time. So don't back yourself into a corner. Be honest about where you need help beyond your talents and endurance. If you aren't, you could become isolated, bitter, and even more overwhelmed. Good luck!