Should I Go to a Support Group
By Kenneth J. Doka, PhD
When I counsel bereaved people, they frequently ask if I think they would benefit
from a support group. I answer the question with one of my own: “What do you expect
to gain?”
Support groups are a time-tested method of help for people struggling with all sorts
of difficulties. They have evolved from a model that sought to inhibit certain behaviors,
such as drinking, to a model that tries to enhance and support individuals as they
adapt to life issues.
Groups are not magic. There are no words that can be uttered within a group setting
that can make grief disappear. Groups are places to work together to support one
another; they are places where one gives as one takes, and this is very important,
because sometimes individuals can be so needy in their loss that they have nothing
to give. In such cases, individual counseling may be the best approach.
Not everyone will find a support group suitable; each individual grieves in his
or her own way. Support groups, though, have much to offer. They can offer, for
example, a sense of validation. After all, grief can be so isolating. One is besieged
by so many reactions: physical, emotional, and spiritual. One needs a place to sort
out all these reactions—to recognize that they are part of the journey of grief.
In counseling, I am often asked, “Am I going crazy?” Support groups reaffirm that
one is not going crazy; one is simply grieving.
While every loss is unique, through support groups, one can bask in the support
of others who have some basis of empathy. They have experienced loss. They understand.
They know. Also, groups provide some time away. For many people, their support group
can be a break in the loneliness and the boredom that are a daily part of grief.
Support groups offer suggestions for coping with the difficulties of grief. There
is no one solution to dealing with loss; however, support groups can offer a range
of alternatives. By listening to stories of how others coped with a particular problem,
one can find solutions that may work best.
Some groups can even be advocates—by working to change laws or challenging social
conventions. For example, Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) re-formed the way
the law treats driving while intoxicated. Support groups offer two other gifts.
They provide hope by providing models that reaffirm that one can survive loss. Also,
they reaffirm that in helping others, one helps oneself. One finds, even in the
midst of grief, new empathy, new understandings, and renewed strengths.
Copyright 2008 Hospice Foundation of America. All Rights Reserved.
