Answer: Hospice care is special because families and friends are able to offer critical support while a patient experiences the very difficult process of dying. However, the terminally ill often feel a sense of abandonment when they choose hospice, because the loved ones who should be supporting the dying are not sure of how to express themselves. When you feel awkward or helpless, follow these steps given in HFA's informational brochure, "Supporting Your Friend through Illness & Loss."

• Venture
  Convey your empathy and show your interest and concern. Acknowledge opportunities for conversation. A simple "how are you doing?" can convey your interest and concern. After the initial response, follow your friend's lead. Sometimes he may want to talk about the experience, while other times he might want to avoid the issue.
• Validate
  Respect and validate difficult feelings, fears, and sad thoughts. Rather than saying, "You should not feel guilty, angry, or afraid," let the person express those feelings. Asking "What makes you angry?" or "I understand you're frightened," allows individuals to further explore their feelings. Share advice when asked, but mostly listen.
• Volunteer
  Help in tangible ways and volunteer to do specific things. It is not enough to say, "Is there anything I can do?" A person living with illness or caring for someone who is, may be too stressed to consider how you might help, or might believe you are just trying to be polite. Tangible acts such as cooking food, helping with chores, or assisting in caregiving, can mean so much to friends in crisis.

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