SHOULD MOM MOVE IN TO MY HOME?

By Dr. Marion Somers, Ph. D., Ask Dr. Marion

QUESTION:

Where can I even get started now that my father has died and my mother requires daily attention? Sam in New Jersey, 49

ANSWER: In many cultures and societies, it's a tradition to move your elder into your home when they reach a certain age. I think it's best to keep your elder in a familiar, loving environment if he/she must be moved. Most people feel that this is the socially appropriate and best economic solution. This can be a very difficult choice, especially if your spouse never got along with your elder, but you should consider it, along with the impact on everyone concerned. Factors to consider include:

• Are you able to adapt your living space?
• Can you build an addition or retrofit some square footage in your home?
• Can your kids double up and give up one of their rooms?
• Is the floor plan of your home flexible?
• Will the home accommodate someone who has special needs?
• Will an aide be needed to care for them during the day or 24/7?
• Will the home need to be adapted in some way?
• What will the impact be on children who are living there?
• What could be the impact on your overall family dynamic?
• What could the impact be on your job or your spouse's job due to higher time commitments and financial draining?
• What will the impact be on the elder?

Beware that having another person in your home, especially your mother or father, carries a lot of emotional history. Avoid misunderstandings by facilitating open, clear communication with your family and your elder. There are also usually dietary issues to consider and medication that has to be monitored. This extra responsibility and change in your home and family structure can affect your family's sense of peace.

Does your elder have enough money to live the remaining days? More often than not, extra money from your pocket is often required to support your elder. Also, what services is your elder eligible for? This can help defray costs and provide much needed care. Don't make a move without a thorough discussion and understanding of the time it will take, the finances, and legal ramifications.