Handling Frustration

National Institute on Aging

Feeling frustrated and angry with everyone, from your parent to his or her doctors, is a common caregiving experience. It can be hard to acknowledge that you feel this way, but try not to criticize yourself even more. Caregiving, especially from a distance, is likely to bring out a full range of human emotions, both positive and negative. If you feel angry, it could be a sign that you are overwhelmed or that you are trying to do too much. If you can, give yourself a break: Take a walk, talk with your friends, get some sleep, join a support group—try to do something for yourself.

Consider joining a caregiver support group, either in your own community or online. Meeting other caregivers can relieve your sense of isolation and will give you a chance to exchange stories and ideas. By focusing on what you can do, you may be able to free yourself from some of the worry and focus on being supportive and loving.

Most caregivers report feeling guilty about almost everything—about not being closer, not doing enough, not having enough time. Worrying about being able to afford to take time off from work or the cost of travel can increase frustration.

As one caregiver noted, “When I was growing up, my mother and I weren’t very close. As an adult, I ended up across the country. When Mom got sick, my sister took on most of the caregiving. Because I’m hours away, I couldn’t be at Mom’s bedside regularly but I did call her more often. I worked it out with my sister so I took care of handling Mom’s monthly bills. I did visit several times and always encouraged my sister to take a break from caregiving while I was there. Now that Mom’s gone, I’m dealing with the estate, closing out accounts, and deciding what to do with the house. We all do what we can.”