BRING A PROP

By Dr. Marion Somers, Ph. D., Ask Dr. Marion

QUESTION: When I first arrive at my mother's home, it's difficult to break the ice and we often have a terrible visit. How do you get things off on the right foot? Andrea in Iowa, 49

ANSWER: When I go to visit an elder, it's easier if I bring something with me. I'm talking about some sort of prop we can focus on to take his/her mind off of any ailments and difficulties. It could be a newspaper or magazine article that relates to his/her interests. Maybe your mother doesn't have a vanity set and hairbrush/mirror anymore. Bring her one so appearances can be kept up. Bring a book if she's a reader. One client of mine collected old keys so I brought along a set of rare skeleton keys and he was thrilled.

Bringing a prop is a way to facilitate communication. It shows someone you thought about them and that they're still a part of this world. I bet you'll be better able to get things done if you work the entire visit around a conversation. Use a prop to open new doors for other conversations. This allows your elder to feel relaxed. Once he/she is relaxed, opening up is much more likely to occur.

Almost anything can start a conversation. Bring your mother in to the present by tapping into the past and present at the same time. I've arrived with bow ties, a cigar box, even an old movie poster. Try to connect with your mother on her terms. Go to her world. It's where she's comfortable.